OK, this is funny, but it also as an ‘ewwww’ factor to it. Talking to guys sneaking phone calls from their office or from their home before the wife or girlfriends arrives home is nothing that shocks me any more. And guys who wear silky panties, who want to wear panties, who want to sniff worn panties, or who want to masturbate with them are pretty normal things. That bit of info probably more than most church going housewives ever wanted to know. LOL I think everyone can understand an older man being attracted to a younger girl – at least girls over 18 years old. Now, I’ve got a guy who calls every couple of days horny to do his thing while he’s wearing panties. He’s a pretty good sissy boy as sissy boy’s go. He’s got a girly voice and a well-trained ass from stuffing with ever increasing sizes of butt plugs. It turns out that the newest pair of panties that he acquired into his collection came from a college girlfriend of his daughter. (ewwwww) It seems that he managed to snatch the worn panties last weekend while everyone else was out of the house shopping at the mall. I think he’s been wearing them everyday since then. So, my advice to other college girls out there is to keep an accurate count on your panties; you never know how many sissy boys are lurking in your neighborhood.

Really, if you’re a guy and you’ve got a small penis, what sexual purpose do you serve on a daily basis? I know that regardless of the size of your cock that it’ll get hard over some perverted thought that you endlessly rewind in your brain. Doesn’t it get frustrating to you that to jerk off you simply need to use your thumb and forefinger instead of wrapping your entire fist around your cock? I’ve told plenty of guys to hump their fist for me when they call for phone sex or to be laughed at and humiliated, but you small penis guys can’t even hump your own fist. It’s like the joke about the guy needing to strap a 2×4 to his ass to keep from falling into the whore’s gaping pussy; your small penis would get lost in your fist. It’s best for you to put yourself at the mercy of anyone willing to engage in any type of sexual behavior with you, even if it means that you will be mercilessly humiliated and degraded because of the size of your penis. Penis size does matter, and trust me, all girls really do laugh at guys who have tiny cocks. And the really perverse thing about this is that you end up needing to be humiliated to be satisfied sexually. So, I guess that you do have some sexual purpose to serve after all – amusing women who enjoy laughing at sexually humiliated men. Call 1-800-908-5975 small penis phone humiliation.

My late night jerk-off dork came sniffing around again this week. He waits until his wife goes to bed, and then he gets online and starts slutting around. He is perpetually horny and in need of having his cock teased by pics of my ass in panties, and he pays out his ass for the privilege of having me laugh at him as he strokes his cock to my instructions. He’s spent hundreds of dollars in a matter of minutes. I can just imagine him with his nose pressed up against his computer monitor trying to scratch and sniff my ass. LOL The other night, I had him sniffing his wife’s worn panties; he didn’t like that too much. I guess her ass doesn’t have the stink that he’s looking to bury his face in. HAHAHA!

I am a female, I do have needs, I do get horny. Yes I love dominating the living fuck out of guys that are wimps and losers. Hell I kick ass at it. But, every once in a while a guy will call for regular phone sex. Although it usually involves some kink and nastiness. Yesterday was one of those days and he happened to be one of those callers that knew how to get my thighs steaming and my pussy dripping wet. A real man to fuck your bratty Princess. You only wish you were man enough to be able to handle me sexually. It takes a strong man with a great imagination to get me going.

So if you are man enough and want to fuck me, I challenge you to try to get me going. I may just blow your mind among other things.

What a fun call! I am typing this shortly after getting a call from the guy that I have named “stinky tongue”. Why that name? Well, his story is a rather interesting one. He was married but he has a small, pathetic excuse for a dick and his wife dominated him while they were married. He was to worship and tongue her butt hole whenever she wanted him to. Apparently this was an all the time chore for him. First thing in the morning, lick it. Home from work, lick it. And on and on. Since this guy has such a tiny dick, yes the poor guy wishes he had a huge cock I mean who doesn’t, it’s no wonder his wife left him for the guy she was fucking. In a way he was like a cuckold but really all he ever sucked on was her strapon cock. Fast forward to the present. She came over this week and he was so ashamed, he ended up totally licking on her shoes worshiping them. The oral slave missed his servitude and it showed. According to him, his ex did say that she missed him worshiping her ass because her boyfriend won’t do it. Hello, big dicked men shouldn’t have to worship anything. Nasty tongue begged to be allowed to lick her ass again but she didn’t give up the goods. As soon as she left he was jerking like crazy and just had to call me to confess how pathetic he is. Especially since now he was fantasizing about sucking her lover’s big cock and worshiping her asshole in front of her boyfriend. He never has sucked real man meat before and keeps trying to go to the glory hole. Give it time nasty tongue, I will get you do to it, trust Princess Melanie.

I am a cock milker. Not a huge surprise there, I do afterall advertise for it. But, obviously since I am not physically there you are the one that is going to milk your cock for me, following my jerk off directions. One such caller is totally addicted to my voice and how I tell him to stroke. Yeah it’s kind of like tease and denial but I never do deny the cumming part. This caller absolutely loves how I tell him to grab his dick, how fast to stroke, how to touch the head. Teasing him into a frenzy and then having him slow back down. Only to make him beg to shoot his penis. Yes, he likes to call it a penis. Not a cock or dick but a penis. Of course that totally makes sense since he is a small dicked wonder. His penis doesn’t deserve to be called anything else but a penis. I always laugh when he calls me because I can hear in his voice that he’s been playing with his boner dwarf for a while. But, he does get a few Princess Melanie gold stars because he lasts a while. We all know how quick a small penis will shoot and he tries so hard to be a good boy for me and he will again and again and again.

Princess Melanie your bravery has inspired me.

I guess it is because you are a powerful woman and I am a just a warm, wet, gooey hole to be used that you are able to bring up things that I am afraid to. Now because of you and your extraordinary Girl Power, I too can tell my fart story. For so long men have told me and made me believe I am not allowed to fart you have freed me into the world of passing gas!

My story starts like this:

I was busy gagging on cock and sucking balls with this Dom guy I know and in my usual fashion, I wanted to please him and asked if he had ever had his ass eaten.

He told me he had not but seemed very enthusiastic at the idea of my little pink tongue sliding into his butt hole. So I had him lay back, spread his legs and bull them back toward his shoulders for maximum tongue action. I swear his ass was tighter than a mosquito’s ass stretched over a rain barrel.

I looked up from between his legs and said, “You need to relax”. “Unclench” I asked.

Big Mistake!

As soon I got my lips suctioned back onto that hairy asshole this big whoosh of air hissed into my mouth and I had no choice but to inhale and began gagging and laughing as it streamed out of my nose.

Let me tell you when a fart works its way through your respiratory system it takes on a whole new meaning not to mention magnification.

He was mortified but fortunately my laughter eased his embarrassment and we now both have a stinky, dirty little secret.

The sissies have been out in full force. Is it a full moon? I swear they come out in droves during a full moon, kind of like warewolfs or something, heh. You just have to love a little slut in red lacey panties shaking his ass for me and then being used however I want to use him.

For instance the slut I just got off the phone with was dressed in red lacey panties and had clamps and a dildo available for use. Well really he was the toy being used not the other way around, but I digress. I made that cock sucking slut gag and sputter all over his dildo, so pathetic. He needs to learn how to suck cock properly, or maybe he’s afraid of becoming good at it because I might just make him go out and suck real dick. Of course then he would graduate to being a sissy faggot, lol. Once he got that dildo nice and wet with his spit aka lube he rammed it up his corn hole and fucked his man pussy for me nice an hard. I swear he was squeeling like a pig but he squeeled even more when he had to pull the nipple clamps down every time he rammed the dildo into his pussy. The grand finale was making him get down on the floor and hump the carpet with those red panties on and spooge in them. His encore was to suck his cum out of them. So entertaining. Sissy, panties, dildo, clamps, cum eating.

I swear when I am PMS’ing I can totally get off on making a subbie bitch slap his nuts like silly for me on the phone. Such a call came in just the other day. I was pissed off over something that one of my cats knocked off my desk, namely my printer. The phone interrupted me picking up the pieces but this bitch saved me from going ballistic on my cat. He reaped the benefits of my entirely pissed off mood. The stupid shit didn’t even tell me what he was into, apparently I am also a psychic as well as a Princess. Fine then, you can’t tell me what you like you will be punished, start smacking your balls. He was instructed to do it again and again until he came without touching his icky stick. I even made him count each wack with them getting harder and harder. He wasn’t doing it hard enough for my liking so out came the wooden spoon. For those of you who don’t know what this feels like I suggest you go get the wooden spoon and then start smacking yourself with it. It’s not a very pleasant feeling even to pain sluts. He wailed about having to go get the damned spoon which just made me even madder. Needless to say his balls were completely red from being busted and he came all over the damned place. Good times.

It’s not a huge stretch that I am very much into my ass being worshiped. If I were a guy I would seriously love my ass. Nice and plump and perfect for worship. What really entertains me is when I get a guy calling that wants to sniff my farts. I mean totally beg me to fart all over his face and tongue, force him to sniff no matter how much he protests. Even making the fart sounds over the phone makes me laugh. How could I not laugh at these freaks wanting my farts. I swear if I could bottle the scent of my stink bomb farts I could sell it. Tons of men across the country sniffing Eau de Princess Melanie, lol! Like that is about to happen anyhow. There aren’t a whole lot of men worthy enough to even worship my ass let alone sniff my farts. I can just imagine this “fart biter” (imagine that said with a Boston accent” with is tongue in my ass and all the sudden I let one rip right onto his tongue and he starts gagging on the odor. Fuck I am evil and I love it